Since 1984, more than 2,000 professionals have participated in PAIRS certification training programs. All PAIRS certification training is conducted under the auspices of PAIRS Foundation. To learn more about opportunities to become trained, licensed, and certified as a PAIRS facilitator, contact: Lauren DelGandio, Director, Partnership Development & Recruitment, at (877) PAIRS-4U, x710, (877) 724-7748, x710, or email: Lauren.DelGandio@pairs.com.

You can also find a listing of upcoming certification training programs online at http://consumer.pairs.com.

Characteristics of an Effective PAIRS Facilitator

Overall the PAIRS Facilitator should be personable, have life skills, and be trustworthy, responsible, and caring. The facilitator should be someone who does not read the material off the printed page or PowerPoint in class; a person who has a sense of humor, healthy self-esteem, charisma, energy, enthusiasm, and life wisdom.

• Personal warmth, optimism, authenticity, poise, and maturity
• Speaks clearly with appropriate pacing and expression, and is easily understood
• Emotionally stable and comfortable with emotional intensity
• Appropriate professional appearance and grooming
• Relevant and appropriate self-disclosure
• Avoids wordiness, professional jargon and terminology
• Ability to maintain a safe educational environment, including appropriate boundaries
• Use of appropriate humor
• At ease with groups
• Works cooperatively with staff and team members
• Authentically models PAIRS tools and values
• Avoids inappropriate comments or offensive behavior
• Knowledge of the curriculum and its intended purpose
• Provides clear and accurate direction
• Stays within boundaries and topics of each class
• Effectively teaches existing curriculum content as it is written
• Covers all required material and exercises within time allowed
• Knowledge, understanding, and adherence to Ethical Practices Agreement
• Asks for help when needed
• Establishes group rapport and appropriately evaluates and reads participant responses
• Fully prepared for each class with clear, organized presentations
• Handles transitions effectively
• Understands and respects the vulnerabilities of class participants
• Does not add curriculum material without prior approval from PAIRS Foundation
• Identifies and recommends improvements based on group feedback
• Receives positive evaluations from class participants
• Adheres to PAIRS Licensing Requirements

Role of the PAIRS Facilitator

The PAIRS Facilitator serves as a nurturing and structuring guide and role model. Lori Gordon’s description of PAIRS underscores its focus on nurturing and mutual appreciation: “The objectives of the course are to know and nurture oneself and one’s partner, to enjoy differences rather than see them as a threat, and to learn to view one’s relationship as an ongoing source of mutual pleasure."

The PAIRS Facilitator is in a significant position of power by virtue of his or her role as someone who has expertise and teaches about intimate relationship skills. Therefore, the facilitator must maintain professional standards of appropriate ethical behavior at all times when interacting with participants. The PAIRS Facilitator is seen as a role model for each participant of the program and creates a safe haven in which exploration and learning can occur.

Every participant in a PAIRS class must read and agree to the information contained in the PAIRS Informed Consent prior to receiving PAIRS curriculum materials or course delivery. It is the obligation of the PAIRS Facilitator to assure the information is reviewed with participants and that fully completed, signed Informed Consents are collected from all class members prior to the beginning of PAIRS exercises.

Facilitators must keep confidential any information an individual participant discloses that has not been shared in the PAIRS class or workshop. Participants must provide written permission to share personal information with others. Facilitators must inform participants of other members of the PAIRS team who may need to be informed of confidential information.

According to the laws of almost every state, anyone who knows of child abuse or neglect or has any reason to suspect it has an obligation to report it to the appropriate agency. Many states have an 800 number or hotline for this purpose. Agencies must have clear policies and procedures about reporting and should educate staff, including facilitators, about these policies. Almost all states designate certain persons as reporters who must disclose child abuse or else be subject to legal sanctions. Facilitators should learn whether their profession is included under this mandatory reporting procedure.
Facilitators should be sure that these reporting responsibilities are clearly communicated to the couples in the group before they share any personal information. This is also true for other issues such as threats of suicide or threats to harm a third party. Whatever the issue is, if there is any concern that someone is at danger, it is imperative that the facilitator bring these concerns to a supervisor or the PAIRS project manager.

PAIRS strongly encourage every facilitator to go through training to recognize and understand issues related to domestic violence. PAIRS is not an appropriate intervention for couples dealing with domestic violence. PAIRS exercises involve encouraging a level of safety, trust and vulnerability between intimate partners. PAIRS Facilitators must be vigilant in efforts to assure that they do not encourage vulnerability for participants in which the response could be characterized as abusive. Although there are various definitions of domestic violence, PAIRS accepts the following definition to guide our efforts:

Domestic violence is a pattern of abuse and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse as well as economic coercion, used against an intimate partner. Abusers often use a combination of tactics, all aimed at establishing control over their intimate partner.

PAIRS has worked with national and local partners to develop appropriate domestic violence screening and related protocols. These protocols are updated on a regular basis. As a PAIRS facilitator, you are responsible for understanding and carefully adhering to these guidelines.

Facilitators may use records gathered in conjunction with class participation only for the purposes intended within the context of the PAIRS program. Facilitators must obtain written informed consent from each class participant, acknowledging his or her understanding of expected course content. Facilitators must never pressure or coerce a participant to participate in any exercise deemed unsuitable by the participant.
Facilitators must use professional judgment and seek supervision to resolve personal relationship difficulties that might interfere with their ability to maintain a professional role as a facilitator. They should refer participants to other professionals when they deem the needs of an individual or couple to be beyond the teaching of the PAIRS curriculum.

PAIRS classes are generally taught in three-hour periods and include an opening session and a closing go-round to allow participants to share questions and reflections in each class. The ideal ratio of the group size is seven to ten couples to one facilitator and one assistant. In general, each class will include two or three presentations with exercises or activities for the participants in the group. Exercises often include individual couple sharing and group discussion, depending on the PAIRS concepts and skills being taught.

When specific PAIRS tools or exercises are presented, there is often an opportunity for demonstration either by the facilitator(s) or participants who choose to volunteer. These demonstrations are significant to the learning process for many participants. The examples chosen for demonstration by the facilitators should reflect their comfort with the community norms within which they work. Often, it is helpful for facilitators to identify specific personal examples that illustrate a concept or tool. This levels the teaching experience and fosters an open and sharing group environment.

Each class begins and ends on time with group discussion and sharing at the level of comfort for the participants. No one is ever pressured to speak or engage in an exercise. “We invite and do not inflict” must be consistently modeled and respected throughout PAIRS classes.